Chandni Chowk To China Review— Don’t Take This Dissapointing Trip

mrinkenti2The family has been busy moving houses, which meant most of the items on my favorites list was put on hold: movies, interet, blog etc. Thanks to the BSNL guys, the internet is up and running in relatively quick time, and so is this blog. Ok, now back to this so-called wannabe kung fu action comedy of Music-Video Star Akshay Kumar that is supposed to propel him and Indian Cinema to the international arena what with Warner Bros. being the producer. Given a title like Chandni Chowk to China (CC2C), the film had every potential to begin 2009 on a blockbuster note and further establish Akshay Kumar’s new found ‘hot’ status. Does it? On the contrary it does the reverse! Neither is the film a  journey from Chandni Chowk to China nor does it entertain and with all it’s attempts at being international and desi, the film hopelessly falls flat on its face while doing it’s ridiculous acts.

cc2c_poster1Hojo (Gordon Liu) is an evil man who is considered a terror in a small village in China. He kills the poor peasants by throwing his hat at them and the hat slices their neck. The villagers want a break from this evil dude so they all pray to Lord Buddha and as they are praying a voice narrates (this voice will be there throughout the film narrating the events as though we don’t understand what is happening or may be it is to make us sure that we must beleive what nonsense is being shown) to us that these village peasants have seen their savior and this savior lives in Chandni Chowk, Delhi. Enter, Music-Video Star Akshay Kumar as Siddhu who is at his best again…doing what he does best—acting super-dumb in the super-dumb movies he selects. Siddhu is a vegetable cutter and carrier who works under Dada (Mihun). Siddhu is tired of this living and wants to make it big by luck even though his father-like caretaker and guide advice him that even good luck needs good hard work. A few minutes into Chandni Chowk, and we are shown two from that Chineese village who have for Siddhu mistaking him for Liu Sheng, a warrior of that village. Siddhu’s advisor, Chopstick (Ranvir Shorey) who is a Chineese by blood but settled in India advices Siddhu incorrectly just so that he can get to visit China. So Siddhu and Chopstick leave for China with Siddu continuously acting like a big-fool.

Yes, there is Deepika Padukone in a double role as Sakhi–an Indian TV Ad model who wants to go to China to trace out her Chineese father and twin sister, and as Meow Meow—the Chineese Deepika who is fully into martial arts and works in Hojo’s group smuggling stuff. Yes, Meow Meow and Sakhi are the twin sisters. It is only just a few minutes before the interval that Siddhu comes face to face with Hojo and the reality that he was brought here as Liu Sheng to kill Hojo. He obviously fails, Hojo even opens his pants to urinate on him, spit on him, and even kills his Dada (who btw just lands up in this village to save Siddhu). Siddhu is thrown off the Great Wall of China, but is caught by a Chineese Hindi speaking beggar who turns out to be Deepika’s father! This Hindi speaking Chineese beggar is actually a police officer who gets killed by Hojo and has Hojo throw of this twin babies again off the Great Wall. This guy then trains Siddhu in Kungu Fu, is re-united with his daughters, and finally Siddhu kills Hojo visualizing him as a potato to be sliced and smashed up. Yes, quite a few threads, but there is no weaving and even the little weaving is badly done so the entire film just does not deliver.

Warner Bros. like most American campanies these days have made a wrong investment and created acc2c_poster2 toxic movie asset. There is nothing big about this film for it to have Warner Bros. present it. Ramesh Sippy obviously has lost his mind or not insisted on a fully bound script from the director, Nikhil Advani. Or if he did read the fully bound script then he has fully lost his head. With Salam e Ishq it was a suspicion, but now it is confirmed, Kal Ho Na Ho is definitely directed by Karan Johar only. I don’t expect our film makers and/or story writers to write original material, but even the trash they write can at least be well presented. Akshay Kumar saw Singh is King written on a lorry and put that title for a film that had nothing to with the title. Next, he sees a poster and tells the producer to come back with a story that depicts or resembles his life story of a cook becoming a Star. Akshay Kumar is reducing himself to what I consider a Music-Video Star and nothing else as the stories he selects just will not take him any further. Akshay Kumar tries too hard to by funny and we can see his viens when is trying so hard. He should simply sign contracts to do Music Videos and they will do well. Deepika baby has put on some weight (read flesh) and is looking juicy and hot as Sakhi, but as Meow Meow she looks bekar in that Chinese get-up.

What could have been a total blast and a full-fledged joy ride with action, drama, and comedy is reduced to total nonsense. The songs are no great shakes. Deepika’s stunts are hardly there and nothing to talk about; why all that hype I don’t know. I am not even sure if those were Chinese actors or they from countries closer to our borders. There is no massala, no comedy, no action. The only funny scene in the film is when Siddhu is trying to shut the cabin door in the plane and instead he is crushing Chopstick’s neck. Anyways, a plea to all financiers and producers, no more Nikhil Advani films. Ok? He made sure the film loses in each and every department and has put Warner Bros. to shame.

Mr. Inkenti’s Movienomics Verdict: Two Thumbs Way Down! Watch Kung Fu Panda instead.

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1 Comment »

  1. Shail Dagar said

    MUST READ COMPLETE: Full marks to AKSHAY…till now only SRK managed to make crores without having story & script. But AKSHAY beats SRK as CC2C has bad scripted stroy, repetitive comedy & even bad music (except rap song), and still manages to rope 21 crores in its 1st weekend. +ive points are action scenes of sidhu & miao and one best comic timing of typical AKSHAY in aeroplane. AKSHAY please dont disappoint me in Kambakht Ishq … as I m also chandni chowk born dude…

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